by Ernest Glenn, Guest Writer
I took twenty years off as a member of the Survivors of Suicide group sponsored by MHA. I came back happily and gratefully when I retired and finally quit traveling for work. The group meant so much to me when I came, beginning in 1995, as a recent survivor, three years after the suicide of my wife, Nancy. It was such a relief, such a comfort to be among people who had experienced many of the same emotions over the loss of their loved one: shock, confusion, overwhelming sadness.
We were living in the Chicago area when Nancy died in 1992. Our children were young. Tom was ten, and Ellen was one week away from her seventh birthday. I learned about a support group an hour away in another suburb. I felt there was no way I could spare an entire evening away from the children while we were all under such stress. I never went to a meeting.
We moved back to Greenville, my hometown, in 1995. I don’t remember how I found the SOS group, but I remember how I felt after that first meeting: a relief and a sense of being understood on an important level. I wanted to come back. Here was a place with other people who had been through similar tragedies. They had experienced some of the same emotions. Every story was different, with its own background and details. At the same time, many parts of our stories were similar. This was a community I needed and wanted to be a part of – a community of openness, sharing, and understanding.
I attended SOS meetings regularly for several years. I became one of the survivor-facilitators of the group, working with Jennifer at our meetings. Later, I served on the MHA Board. With a change in my work, I began to travel in an unpredictable way, so I could not commit to the regular meeting schedule. Eleven years after Nancy’s death I remarried, to a very understanding woman. Once I stopped traveling, I reconnected with Survivors of Suicide, hoping that maybe I could help others in their grief journey, no matter how small my efforts might be. My wife Debbie supports my renewed relationship with SOS.
Sometimes, one survivor can help another in ways they do not even intend. Simple, small things others have mentioned at our meetings have often helped me think about my own journey in a new way. Similarly, something I have casually mentioned has helped another survivor as much as anything I may have purposely offered about my story.
At an SOS meeting years ago a member told me that the most helpful thing she heard when she first attended was when I introduced myself, as we always do, and I said it had been several years since Nancy’s death. “I could not believe that you were still breathing. You survived,” she said. “I was not sure that I was going to be able to do that.” Her words made me realize that sometimes just being there helps another person.
I always wanted to reconnect, even if it took twenty years.
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide, we are here to walk alongside you. Explore our resources and Survivors of Suicide Loss support group: https://www.mhagc.org/survivors-of-suicide-loss/
